just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize