she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
