Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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