Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
