i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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