and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
