I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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