I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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