it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
