I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
