Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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