i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
