before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
