Im at strip club and am horny
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
They are going to name an STD after you.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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