My hand turned me down
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
