I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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