my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
