My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
