He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
