You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
