omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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