people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
