Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
