i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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