that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
