i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
