do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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