Apparently you make a good broom.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize