Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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