so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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