I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
