It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
