Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
