he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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