i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
