So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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