I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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