The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Please don't give away my fajitas
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