I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
