When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
