well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
