you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
