we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
