cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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