She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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