He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
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Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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