i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
