well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
