She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sorry about my life...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
