she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
