guys are only as good as the porn they watch
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
