i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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