Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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