is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
