Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
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My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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