That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
do nipples grow back?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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