the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
