That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
