i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
