Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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