I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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