elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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