Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This baby is an asshole
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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