Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the condom got lost in my hair
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
