dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
