I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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