oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She announced her abortion via fbk
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
