You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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