I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
