If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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