i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
