Bisexual people are plain selfish.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
